A 39-year-old virgin has opened up about the pressure she faces from men who expect sex before marriage.
The woman, identified as J.39, said she has lost potential relationships because she refuses to have sex before her wedding night. She explained that her decision is rooted in her commitment to sexual abstinence and her desire to marry before becoming sexually active.
The woman shared her concerns in a letter seeking advice from Evangelist Temilolu Okeowo. She said the repeated rejection has left her emotionally exhausted and questioning whether she is making the right choice.
Woman Says Relationship Ended Over Sex
According to the woman, she almost got married in 2026 before the relationship suddenly collapsed. She said the introduction ceremony was cancelled just two weeks before it was scheduled because she refused to have sex.
The man had reportedly suggested that they should begin living together after the introduction. He wanted them to start their married life first and plan the wedding later. However, she rejected the proposal because she believed living together would likely lead to sex before marriage.
She explained that an introduction ceremony does not mean a couple is legally married. She therefore refused to move into the same house with the man before their wedding.
The disagreement eventually led the man to cancel the introduction ceremony. The experience became another painful disappointment for the woman, who said she had already waited several years for marriage.
The issue of relationship pressure has become a recurring subject in many conversations about marriage and personal boundaries. Read more about other difficult situations affecting families and individuals in this family-related report from Torch TV News.
Another Man Also Pressures Her for Sex
The 39-year-old woman said she recently met another man and exchanged contacts with him. However, their relationship quickly became uncomfortable after he began discussing sex on the same day they started talking.
She told him clearly that she would not have sex until she was married. According to her, the disagreement has continued since then, leaving the relationship strained.
The woman said she has deliberately avoided visiting the man’s home. She has also refused to invite him to her house because she fears he could pressure her physically.
She said the man eventually called her selfish because she had chosen to remain a virgin until marriage. Their communication has since reduced significantly.
Her experience reflects the importance of clearly communicating personal boundaries in relationships. It also highlights why people entering relationships may need to discuss expectations around marriage, intimacy and living arrangements early.
‘They Stop Talking When I Say I’m a Virgin’
The woman said her biggest frustration is that men often withdraw after she tells them about her decision.
According to her, several men have stopped communicating with her after learning that she intends to remain a virgin until her wedding night. She said the repeated experiences have made her wonder whether she will ever find a man willing to respect her decision.
She also recalled being mocked by someone who questioned the value of her commitment to sexual abstinence. The woman said the person told her that her preaching would have been more convincing if she were already married with children.
The comment reportedly affected her deeply. She said she cried while praying and asking God to remember her.
The emotional pressure surrounding marriage can be difficult for people who face repeated disappointments. Other personal stories involving loss and difficult circumstances have also generated public attention, including this report about a tragic incident in Rivers State.
Evangelist Temilolu Encourages Her to Remain Firm
Responding to the woman’s concerns, Evangelist Temilolu Okeowo encouraged her not to abandon her personal convictions because of relationship pressure.
Okeowo described the woman as precious and said he believed her story would eventually have a positive outcome. He also encouraged her to remain hopeful despite the disappointments she has experienced.
The evangelist argued that giving in to pressure would not guarantee marriage. He noted that some men who demand sex before marriage may still decide not to marry after getting what they want.
His advice focused strongly on the woman’s decision to remain sexually abstinent. He encouraged her to continue pursuing marriage according to her convictions rather than allowing fear about age to determine her choices.
Also, he shared examples of women who, according to him, married later in life while remaining virgins. He used those examples to encourage the woman not to assume that turning 39 means marriage is no longer possible.
Age Should Not Force Her Into a Relationship
The woman’s concern about her age is central to her letter. She said she will turn 39 next year and fears that continuing to reject premarital sex could make it even harder to find a husband.
Okeowo, however, urged her not to allow age to push her into a relationship that violates her boundaries. He said finding a spouse should not depend solely on meeting an age-based expectation.
His response also encouraged her to remain hopeful while continuing to seek guidance. He framed her situation around her religious beliefs and her desire to maintain sexual abstinence until marriage.
For someone facing repeated relationship disappointments, maintaining personal boundaries can also involve recognising pressure and knowing when to leave uncomfortable situations. This is particularly important when a partner refuses to respect clearly stated limits.
Torch TV News has also reported on issues involving women’s welfare and healthcare, including a report on resident doctors at LASUTH.
Woman Raises Concerns About Fibroids
The 39-year-old woman also mentioned a medical concern that has increased her anxiety about marriage and childbirth.
She said she had been advised medically to try to become pregnant because she has fibroids. However, she does not want to become pregnant outside marriage, and she does not want to have sex before her wedding.
The issue has placed her in what she considers a difficult position. She wants to follow medical advice while also remaining committed to her decision to wait for marriage.
In his response, Okeowo argued that sexually active women can also develop fibroids. He further stated that pregnancy should not be viewed as a cure for fibroids.
Medical decisions around fibroids and pregnancy should be discussed with qualified healthcare professionals. The appropriate advice can depend on factors such as the size and location of the fibroids, symptoms, fertility plans and a woman’s overall health.
Healthcare access and maternal wellbeing remain important issues in Nigeria. Torch TV News recently reported on a UNICEF-backed nutrition intervention involving pregnant women and children.
Pregnancy Does Not Automatically Eliminate Fibroids
Okeowo also addressed the woman’s belief that pregnancy might help resolve her fibroid problem.
He stated that pregnancy does not automatically eliminate fibroids. He added that some fibroids may reduce in size during or after pregnancy, while others can continue causing symptoms.
Fibroids can affect women differently, so treatment decisions should be based on professional medical assessment. Women experiencing heavy bleeding, pelvic pain or fertility concerns should seek appropriate medical care rather than relying solely on informal advice.
The woman’s situation therefore involves both personal convictions and reproductive health concerns. These issues can require separate forms of support from trusted religious advisers and qualified medical professionals.
Nigeria has continued to face wider healthcare challenges affecting women and families. Reports such as this health intervention involving mothers and children show the importance of access to reliable healthcare information.
Evangelist Warns Against Giving in to Pressure
Okeowo maintained that the woman’s previous disappointments should not make her abandon her decision.
He argued that after waiting for several years, she should not allow pressure from potential partners to determine her choices. He also suggested that a man who genuinely respects her convictions should be willing to wait.
The woman had already demonstrated this position in her previous relationship. She refused to move in with the man before marriage because she believed doing so would undermine the boundaries she had established.
Her latest relationship appears to have followed a similar pattern. The moment she communicated her position about sex, disagreements reportedly began.
Relationships can involve difficult conversations about values, expectations and boundaries. People may hold different views about sex before marriage, but mutual respect remains important when partners discuss those differences.
‘Being a Virgin at 39 Is Not a Curse’
The central message of Okeowo’s response was that the woman’s age should not make her feel cursed or inferior.
He encouraged her to reject the idea that being unmarried at 39 means she has failed. He also urged her to continue believing that marriage remains possible despite her previous disappointments.
The evangelist described her decision to remain a virgin as something she should not surrender simply because she fears losing potential partners. He encouraged her to remain committed to the choice she has made.
The woman also received encouragement to continue praying and seeking guidance. Okeowo expressed hope that she would eventually have the testimony she desires.
Her story also raises broader questions about the pressure unmarried adults face from society. In many communities, women especially can face questions about marriage, children and relationships as they grow older.
Marriage Should Not Be Built on Pressure
The woman’s experience shows how disagreements over sex can affect relationships before marriage.
Her first relationship reportedly ended after she refused to live with her partner before their wedding. Her second relationship became strained after she rejected discussions about sex.
Neither situation automatically determines what will happen in her future relationships. However, the experiences show the importance of finding partners whose expectations around marriage and intimacy are compatible.
The woman said she wants to marry before having sex. That is her personal decision, and potential partners also have the right to decide whether they can accept those boundaries.
The important issue is that neither person should be pressured into violating personal choices. A relationship that requires one person to abandon deeply held values before it can continue may need careful reconsideration.
Torch TV News has also covered stories about young people’s opportunities and social pressures, including this report on Federal Government jobs and access for Nigerian youths.
Her Story Highlights the Pressure Around Marriage
The woman’s story comes amid wider conversations about marriage, family expectations and the choices people make in relationships.
She is worried about getting older without finding a husband. At the same time, she does not want fear about age to push her into a decision that conflicts with her beliefs.
Her letter shows that marriage pressure can come from several directions. There can be pressure from potential partners, family members, friends and even strangers who question personal decisions.
The woman said one person’s mockery left her heartbroken. Instead of giving up, she sought counselling and expressed her desire to remain committed to her convictions.
Her story may also resonate with other people who have experienced relationship disappointment. Similar concerns often arise when individuals face expectations about marriage, childbirth and family life.
Evangelist Calls for Hope and Patience
Okeowo ended his response by encouraging the woman to remain hopeful about her future.
He said he believed she could still marry and have children despite her current age. He also encouraged her to continue seeking God’s guidance based on her faith.
The evangelist’s message was firmly rooted in his Christian beliefs about chastity and marriage. He urged the woman to remain committed to sexual abstinence until marriage if that remains her conviction.
He also encouraged other women who share similar beliefs to join his chastity campaign. His response therefore extended beyond the woman’s personal situation to a wider message about sexual purity.
At the same time, the woman’s concerns about fibroids require medical attention alongside any spiritual support she chooses to receive. Reliable healthcare advice remains important when fertility and reproductive health are involved.
For more stories involving health and personal welfare, readers can also see this report on an Anambra child abuse case.
Woman Seeks Encouragement After Repeated Disappointments
The 39-year-old woman’s story is ultimately about her struggle to remain faithful to a personal decision while dealing with repeated heartbreak.
She has rejected premarital sex despite losing relationships because of that choice. She has also resisted pressure to live with partners before marriage.
Her request for counselling shows that the repeated disappointments have affected her emotionally. However, she remains determined to wait until marriage before becoming sexually active.
Okeowo urged her to maintain hope and continue seeking guidance. He also encouraged her not to allow her age or the opinions of others to determine the values she chooses to uphold.
For now, the woman says she remains committed to her decision. She hopes to find a partner who will respect her boundaries and build a marriage with her on terms they both accept.
Her experience also highlights the need for respectful conversations about relationships, consent, marriage and reproductive health. Individuals facing similar situations can seek support from trusted people while making decisions that align with their values and professional advice.
Other stories on family and social issues can be found in Torch TV News’ coverage, including this report involving a family seeking answers after a student’s death.
The woman said she continues to hope that her story will have a positive ending. She also hopes that remaining a virgin at 39 will not prevent her from finding a husband who respects her decision.
Her message remains simple: she wants marriage before sex and does not want pressure to change that decision.
For additional stories on health, relationships and society, readers can also follow Torch TV News, where human-interest and community stories are regularly published.
